Snitchel's Tale III: The REAL "Fight with the Dragon"

(Snitchel has pestered me until I have nearly gone crazy. I am, thankfully, writing this without his constant nagging about descriptive words and minute inaccurate details. I can tell the story HONESTLY.)



Thus far, you, as my reader, have been envisioning Snitchel--considering how few humans have seen a sprite--to be the size of a dwarf, elf, fawn, etc. They--sprites, I mean--are, however, fantastical creatures no larger than a pen. My quill is actually larger than Snitchel....



Do you see now why I view him with such scoffing disdain? He is no bigger than my index finger. With a flick of my pen I could squash him! So you understand my itching desire to be rid of this minuscule menace. So, why haven't I? Snitchel has placed some odd fixture on my wrist that chains me--invisibly of course--to him. (Sigh....)



Snitchel, being terrified to death of the humongous crocodile--not dragon folks! CROCODILE!--stood trembling on the shore opposite of the crumbling tower. Scanning for a safe path, he quickly flew... (sigh, oh yes. i should explain that.).



Sprites, annoying nasty little buggers, can fly. Why did he not simply fly to the crumbling tower? A magical spell--beginning at the moat--surrounds this island of sorts. Snitchel attempted to fly super fast at the beginning of his journey dropped motionless at the point of an invisible barrier. Thus, he was forced to walk.



Lazy, for that is exactly what Snitchel is, he spied the fallen tree--completely ignoring the sweat soaked dwarf who had felled it--and ran across the trunk of the tree. He was nearly across when the giant (at least to Snitchel) crocodile blocked his path. Scared out of his pea-brain mind, Snitchel frantically scoured the area and chose to grab a puny little twig from the tree trunk.



Having acquired a weapon, Snitchel let out a tiny war cry and swung wildly at the mighty crocodile. The only reason Snitchel wasn't immediately devoured is because the crocodile had a wry sense of humor. The sight of the pen sized warrior--no bigger than his nostril--swinging a twig in his face caused the crocodile to begin chuckling.



Now, Snitchel, when he is mad, gets very bright red. His temper is so easy to set off that little things like someone laughing at him throws him into a rage. So, as the large, tickled crocodile chuckled low in his throat and pounded his large claw heavily on the fallen log.

By this point, Snitchel had about blown a fuse in his fury, and was wildly attacking the crocodile with his puny twig. This, of course, only served to further encourage the crocodile's laughing. In his excited, rolling on the log, laughing the crocodile slipped and fell into the moat. And THAT, Ladies and gentlemen, is how Snitchel ACTUALLY crossed the moat.

Snitchel's Tale II: The Moat

The time, according to Snitchel, has finally come to regale (regale is fancy for tell, Snitchel...) you forced..."beloved" readers of Snitchel's devious..."dangerous" crossing of the crocodile... "dragon". (Snitchel, either you stop jarring my elbow or I will NEVER.... Sorry I yelled... I will never finish) The tale of Snitchel crossing the "dragon" filled moat.

Night had stealthily crept up on...(do what Snitchel? oh...) Night was afraid to sneak up on the odious (no it is not really... bad Snitchel. Think awe-inspiring!) Snitchel. By now, he had finished crossing the fallen log sp... ((sigh) Snitchel. I am glad you no longer pinch me, but jarring my elbow isn't helpful either) A tall strong oak had been felled by the magnificent Snitchel, much to the chagrin of the "dragons". I just know the queen fairy of truth is going to rip out my tongue for this horrendous tale....

The three, six, eight... (Snitchel, this number cannot keep growing. Dragons do not reproduce that quickly... nine is a good amount) The nine fearsome dragons--that oddly resembled crocodiles--all grew very annoyed... yes, Snitchel that is a negative word, but it's okay... (sigh) fine. The nine fearsome dragons all grew amazing.... (Snitchel, that doesn't make sense... ok! ok! It's lovely, grand beautiful wording!)

As the "dragons" grew "amazing", Snitchel began traversing his newly made "bridge" when one of the ferocious... (Snitchel, that's a word that will only enthrall readers... okay? good) "dragons" leaped out of the moat blocking the determined Snitchel's path. Scared... (Snitchel, you cannot tell me that these beasts didn't frighten you...Snitchel... ok. Fine.)

Snitchel, despite his minuscule... "mighty" size faced the "amazing" ferocious "dragons" head on. Drawing a stick... (Snitchel, that twig is not a sword no matter how you look at it. (sigh)) Snitchel drew his enormous "sword", and yelled... "shouted"... ((sigh) Snitchel, what word do you want me to use?) "bellowed". (so... in summary....)

The "mighty", "fearless" Snitchel, having felled a "tall strong oak", "amazinged"--no, that is not a word--the ferocious "dragon" blocked Snitchel's path roaring loudly. Snitchel drew his "enormous" "sword" "bellowing".

This is where I will pause because Snitchel has decided the fight with the "dragon" is "epic"....

Snitchel's Tale: The Beginning

I wouldn't tell this story unless I felt "pressured" to do so. Even now Snitchel, a small annoying... I mean "amazing" sprite, is pinching my arm. Lucky for me, he is an illiterate dolt..."darling"... that believes me to be honest in my telling of this story. (Unfortunately I am cursed to say any negative terms aloud, thus the uh... "replacement" words)

A-a-a-ahem! (Snitchel is quite adamant that I have a clear throat when writing.)



Once, there stood a small crumbling tower that daily lost one of its bricks. Surrounding this tower, stood a hedge that had wildly--ouch! (Yes, Snitchel, that word can be used negatively; no! I did not mean it... sigh, okay Snitchel.) The hedge that had "wonderfully" grown.

The outer edge of the hedge was bordered by a 6 ft. --okay, sorry Snitchel--9 ft. moat. (I am writing aloud so he doesn't become confused) within the moat were humongous crocodiles... I mean "DRAGONS". (Snitchel... dragons don't live in moats. Ok! Ok! Quit pinching! They were "water dragons") No intelligent being attempted to reach the tower.

That is, no one tried to reach it until Mocho. (Snitchel, you told me to be honest. Mocho was the first dwarf... oh, you aren't concerned about dwarves... sigh. Ok.) The first Sprite to ever attempt this arduous... (yes, Snitchel, that is a suitable word.) As I was saying, the first Sprite to EVER attempt this arduous task was the gullible, Ouch! I mean... "great" Snitchel.

Snitchel had learned of an ancient wondrous spell that could be performed only by obtaining one of these fallen bricks. A being could become the most revered, noble living creature if he but... sigh. If he OR she (No Snitchel, I didn't mean to yell. Yes, Snitchel, I will be more composed) would but wish for something honorable and throw this brick into a magical waterfall.

Hang on... Snitchel just left for a "coffee break"... doubt he even knows what coffee is....
The quotation marks are to show you that what you are reading is incorrect or lying or wrong or evil or any other negative word. Snitchel is convinced that any negative word is incorrect in the telling of the story. The quotation marks are to explain that I had to switch the word. Parenthesis show what is happening. I can scribble fast enough that Snitchel doesn't notice them. He can't read... or write for that matter....

I am a poor human girl whom Snitchel, after failing to gain a brick, has kidnapped and is forcing me to lie in a book of history. He is hoping others will believe him and will actually revere and honor him. Whatever else I write... Snitchel NEVER obtained a brick... I should know... I ... uh oh. Here he comes!

(Yes, Snitchel, I am ready to continue. I added a little to uh... spice it up....) Snitchel wishes me to continue this "truthful" account at a later time.... So, I shall being the next chapter with the crossing of the moat.

Disjointed Disclaimer

I have decided that since I enjoy writing fictional stories the most, I shall have an entire blog dedicated to my nondescript stories. (Those being the ones that make about as much sense as bubble gum toothpaste)
I am hoping to be much more faithful to this blog than I have been to my other blogs. I am not good at being faithful to writing though, and so I am providing a disclaimer mid-blog to let you all know that I am going to write as often as possible, but that it might not be very regular....
Yeah... so...
Hope you enjoy reading the few things I have written out to put on here so far.