My... (Cat, Cat! How do you spell quest? What? Cat, I don't want to look it up! Oh come on, Cat. I was just having fun with your hair and the ink well! I am a Sprite you know... we are known for being fiends.... Ok, I will never turn your red hair black again. yes, I promise.) My quiz was scary and grand at the same time. ( I don't know why Cat fusses so about word usage. It's really not that hard.)
I had... (Cat! How do you spell traversed? yes, I have the dictionary. Cat... I can't look it up! Why? You want to know why I can't look it up? Sigh. Because, I am sitting on it! Please? Okay)... truncated. (That word looks odd... oh well.) I had truncated all the way to the... (sigh. Cat? What word should I use for big? Yes, I have that silly book with the long name. yes, I am sitting on it.... NO... I can't write and hold the book open at the same time! Cat... the pen is too big, and the book is too heavy... fine I am using my own word!) GINORMOUS Avion tree.
The tree was... (Hey, Cat! That word... please help me Cat! I am sorry I was mean about your burnt... I mean... thick, black, funny tasting potato soup. It was different... but, okay. The word that means old... starts with an "A"...) average. Avion had been standing for three hundred years! I knew that I , Snitchel the grand, would be the one to send this grand tree... (um... Cat? What's the word for falling quickly?) camping (That doesn't sound right...) to the deep moat to be used as a bridge.
What I didn't (uh...) know is that a grand dwarf was there guarding the Avion with ...(if I move, I might be able to find the word that I... oof! Cat! Help! The book closed and I am stuck! Yes, yes, I know you are busy... Cat! Please!? Ok. You are wonderful. I will sell my sword. Yes, yes, I promise. I know, my word is binding. Yes, just please take this off... thank you.) grandness.
(Cat, I want to use different words. NO, I am not being whiny. Yes, I am tired of the word grand. Come on, Cat! I will honor you in my tale... please? OK. Good. You open the page and show me the word I should use. Let's make this sound unbelievably amazing. Your wry humor isn't funny, Cat. I KNOW it's already unbelievable. Ok, let's get started.)
The ginormous, ancient (I thought that other word was weird.) tree had been guarded for centuries by a ferocious (Cat, move your finger after pointing. I can't see! Sorry I yelled. Don't get mat at me. That's an odd expression on your face... anyways. Keep pointing just... don't linger.) ... dwarf.
I, the puny (weird spelling of powerful.) Snitchel, fought an (Cat, which word did you point at? Stop sliding your finger around! You are taking this much too seriously...) useless (unprecedented has a 'p', doesn't it, Cat? Oh, ok... I see the word now...) upheaved battle with this dwarf.
Sliding my... (uh)... illiterate (immense... that's how immense is spelled, Cat?) weapon from it's stank (I thought stationary was longer... Cat? What exactly are you snickering at?) Stinky (That's not much larger) position at my side. I chartered a straight course for his phalanges. (Cat, I was hoping you could be of some assistance. All you are doing is laughing at me.)(By the way, what does phalanges mean? Scientific for what? Fingers?! That's it, Cat! You are confined to clean the kitchen! I am going to find another human... one more capable!) The tree fell after I beat up the mean dwarf. The End.. of this chapter.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Snitchel's Tale IV: Amazing (Totally Unbelievable) Tale
Everything I previously said was a lie. I would like to correct my accurate... (ouch! Snitchel, I don't know what ignorant, swamp-rat, bulbous nosed creep gave you that magical reading magnifying glass, but when I discover their identity... Vengeance! ... Ouch! And second on my blacklist is the blacksmith who sold you that "pricker"..... Yes, I will tell the story according to your terms.)
Snitchel was the mightiest, most amazing sprite ever. Not only did his great stature evoke fear and trembling among the fairy folk, but ALL the women swooned at his handsome, strong profile. (O, for pity's sake, Snitchel! If a woman "swooned" at your craggy... ow ow ow! Ok... ok! Handsome. Adorable. You are dashing!)
Young and old respected and trusted this amazing masculine warrior. He was sent from his village to rescue their flagging economy. Upon leaving, the bold warrior heard of the crumbling tower. Deciding that being the most respected warrior would boost the reputation of his village, Snitchel set out on his dangerous mission.
Upon realizing the vast moat, uncrossable by any one before Snitchel he was such an AMAZING (Ouch! Sorry, sorry. Emphasis! Emphasis! I wasn't knocking your um... skill.) being, Snitchel, set out... (Please try to be more descriptive if you insist on dictating, Snitchel...). Snitchel embarked on his exotic, (Snitchel, quit using the Thesaurus as a stool... ouch! Sigh. Please let me describe this ridiculous, totally false... ouch! Stop that! this tale. Let ME tell it. I will do it how you want... promise.)
Exuberant in his perilous quest, Snitchel set off... (Do you have a BETTER word, O Thesaurus stumping, behind plopping... ouch! Okay, that wasn't nice, but you are sitting on the.... Thank you, Snitchel. I will use... yes. No, move your body, I can't see the word. Snitchel... ok. Continuing on)
Exuberant in his perilous quest, Snitchel journeyed forth with high expectations of grand parades exulting his grand ( we just used... ouch! Okay you like grand. I get it, I get it.) gathering of the grand stone from the grand tumbling tower. ( I think grand has been used sufficiently, Snitchel.)
Having realized (from falling from the sky at reaching the invisible barrier...ouch! Snitchel, I am just mumbling to myself. Give me a break from the poking.) that crossing the moat was only possible by felling the sacred tree of Avion. (Snitchel, we can't go back to the tree... we already crossed the... ouch! okay. Ouch! Snitchel, if I bleed you are in TROUBLE.)
Beloved, (Snitchel, look at that! I am bleeding! What do you mean stop being so whiny?!?! What do you mean I am being dramatic!?!? Do you not realize the penalty of bleeding on a book of History? You.. no... you... NO! YOU WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER!)
Snitchel was the mightiest, most amazing sprite ever. Not only did his great stature evoke fear and trembling among the fairy folk, but ALL the women swooned at his handsome, strong profile. (O, for pity's sake, Snitchel! If a woman "swooned" at your craggy... ow ow ow! Ok... ok! Handsome. Adorable. You are dashing!)
Young and old respected and trusted this amazing masculine warrior. He was sent from his village to rescue their flagging economy. Upon leaving, the bold warrior heard of the crumbling tower. Deciding that being the most respected warrior would boost the reputation of his village, Snitchel set out on his dangerous mission.
Upon realizing the vast moat, uncrossable by any one before Snitchel he was such an AMAZING (Ouch! Sorry, sorry. Emphasis! Emphasis! I wasn't knocking your um... skill.) being, Snitchel, set out... (Please try to be more descriptive if you insist on dictating, Snitchel...). Snitchel embarked on his exotic, (Snitchel, quit using the Thesaurus as a stool... ouch! Sigh. Please let me describe this ridiculous, totally false... ouch! Stop that! this tale. Let ME tell it. I will do it how you want... promise.)
Exuberant in his perilous quest, Snitchel set off... (Do you have a BETTER word, O Thesaurus stumping, behind plopping... ouch! Okay, that wasn't nice, but you are sitting on the.... Thank you, Snitchel. I will use... yes. No, move your body, I can't see the word. Snitchel... ok. Continuing on)
Exuberant in his perilous quest, Snitchel journeyed forth with high expectations of grand parades exulting his grand ( we just used... ouch! Okay you like grand. I get it, I get it.) gathering of the grand stone from the grand tumbling tower. ( I think grand has been used sufficiently, Snitchel.)
Having realized (from falling from the sky at reaching the invisible barrier...ouch! Snitchel, I am just mumbling to myself. Give me a break from the poking.) that crossing the moat was only possible by felling the sacred tree of Avion. (Snitchel, we can't go back to the tree... we already crossed the... ouch! okay. Ouch! Snitchel, if I bleed you are in TROUBLE.)
Beloved, (Snitchel, look at that! I am bleeding! What do you mean stop being so whiny?!?! What do you mean I am being dramatic!?!? Do you not realize the penalty of bleeding on a book of History? You.. no... you... NO! YOU WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER!)
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Snitchel's Tale III: The REAL "Fight with the Dragon"
(Snitchel has pestered me until I have nearly gone crazy. I am, thankfully, writing this without his constant nagging about descriptive words and minute inaccurate details. I can tell the story HONESTLY.)
Thus far, you, as my reader, have been envisioning Snitchel--considering how few humans have seen a sprite--to be the size of a dwarf, elf, fawn, etc. They--sprites, I mean--are, however, fantastical creatures no larger than a pen. My quill is actually larger than Snitchel....
Do you see now why I view him with such scoffing disdain? He is no bigger than my index finger. With a flick of my pen I could squash him! So you understand my itching desire to be rid of this minuscule menace. So, why haven't I? Snitchel has placed some odd fixture on my wrist that chains me--invisibly of course--to him. (Sigh....)
Snitchel, being terrified to death of the humongous crocodile--not dragon folks! CROCODILE!--stood trembling on the shore opposite of the crumbling tower. Scanning for a safe path, he quickly flew... (sigh, oh yes. i should explain that.).
Sprites, annoying nasty little buggers, can fly. Why did he not simply fly to the crumbling tower? A magical spell--beginning at the moat--surrounds this island of sorts. Snitchel attempted to fly super fast at the beginning of his journey dropped motionless at the point of an invisible barrier. Thus, he was forced to walk.
Lazy, for that is exactly what Snitchel is, he spied the fallen tree--completely ignoring the sweat soaked dwarf who had felled it--and ran across the trunk of the tree. He was nearly across when the giant (at least to Snitchel) crocodile blocked his path. Scared out of his pea-brain mind, Snitchel frantically scoured the area and chose to grab a puny little twig from the tree trunk.
Having acquired a weapon, Snitchel let out a tiny war cry and swung wildly at the mighty crocodile. The only reason Snitchel wasn't immediately devoured is because the crocodile had a wry sense of humor. The sight of the pen sized warrior--no bigger than his nostril--swinging a twig in his face caused the crocodile to begin chuckling.
Now, Snitchel, when he is mad, gets very bright red. His temper is so easy to set off that little things like someone laughing at him throws him into a rage. So, as the large, tickled crocodile chuckled low in his throat and pounded his large claw heavily on the fallen log.
By this point, Snitchel had about blown a fuse in his fury, and was wildly attacking the crocodile with his puny twig. This, of course, only served to further encourage the crocodile's laughing. In his excited, rolling on the log, laughing the crocodile slipped and fell into the moat. And THAT, Ladies and gentlemen, is how Snitchel ACTUALLY crossed the moat.
Thus far, you, as my reader, have been envisioning Snitchel--considering how few humans have seen a sprite--to be the size of a dwarf, elf, fawn, etc. They--sprites, I mean--are, however, fantastical creatures no larger than a pen. My quill is actually larger than Snitchel....
Do you see now why I view him with such scoffing disdain? He is no bigger than my index finger. With a flick of my pen I could squash him! So you understand my itching desire to be rid of this minuscule menace. So, why haven't I? Snitchel has placed some odd fixture on my wrist that chains me--invisibly of course--to him. (Sigh....)
Snitchel, being terrified to death of the humongous crocodile--not dragon folks! CROCODILE!--stood trembling on the shore opposite of the crumbling tower. Scanning for a safe path, he quickly flew... (sigh, oh yes. i should explain that.).
Sprites, annoying nasty little buggers, can fly. Why did he not simply fly to the crumbling tower? A magical spell--beginning at the moat--surrounds this island of sorts. Snitchel attempted to fly super fast at the beginning of his journey dropped motionless at the point of an invisible barrier. Thus, he was forced to walk.
Lazy, for that is exactly what Snitchel is, he spied the fallen tree--completely ignoring the sweat soaked dwarf who had felled it--and ran across the trunk of the tree. He was nearly across when the giant (at least to Snitchel) crocodile blocked his path. Scared out of his pea-brain mind, Snitchel frantically scoured the area and chose to grab a puny little twig from the tree trunk.
Having acquired a weapon, Snitchel let out a tiny war cry and swung wildly at the mighty crocodile. The only reason Snitchel wasn't immediately devoured is because the crocodile had a wry sense of humor. The sight of the pen sized warrior--no bigger than his nostril--swinging a twig in his face caused the crocodile to begin chuckling.
Now, Snitchel, when he is mad, gets very bright red. His temper is so easy to set off that little things like someone laughing at him throws him into a rage. So, as the large, tickled crocodile chuckled low in his throat and pounded his large claw heavily on the fallen log.
By this point, Snitchel had about blown a fuse in his fury, and was wildly attacking the crocodile with his puny twig. This, of course, only served to further encourage the crocodile's laughing. In his excited, rolling on the log, laughing the crocodile slipped and fell into the moat. And THAT, Ladies and gentlemen, is how Snitchel ACTUALLY crossed the moat.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Snitchel's Tale II: The Moat
The time, according to Snitchel, has finally come to regale (regale is fancy for tell, Snitchel...) you forced..."beloved" readers of Snitchel's devious..."dangerous" crossing of the crocodile... "dragon". (Snitchel, either you stop jarring my elbow or I will NEVER.... Sorry I yelled... I will never finish) The tale of Snitchel crossing the "dragon" filled moat.
Night had stealthily crept up on...(do what Snitchel? oh...) Night was afraid to sneak up on the odious (no it is not really... bad Snitchel. Think awe-inspiring!) Snitchel. By now, he had finished crossing the fallen log sp... ((sigh) Snitchel. I am glad you no longer pinch me, but jarring my elbow isn't helpful either) A tall strong oak had been felled by the magnificent Snitchel, much to the chagrin of the "dragons". I just know the queen fairy of truth is going to rip out my tongue for this horrendous tale....
The three, six, eight... (Snitchel, this number cannot keep growing. Dragons do not reproduce that quickly... nine is a good amount) The nine fearsome dragons--that oddly resembled crocodiles--all grew very annoyed... yes, Snitchel that is a negative word, but it's okay... (sigh) fine. The nine fearsome dragons all grew amazing.... (Snitchel, that doesn't make sense... ok! ok! It's lovely, grand beautiful wording!)
As the "dragons" grew "amazing", Snitchel began traversing his newly made "bridge" when one of the ferocious... (Snitchel, that's a word that will only enthrall readers... okay? good) "dragons" leaped out of the moat blocking the determined Snitchel's path. Scared... (Snitchel, you cannot tell me that these beasts didn't frighten you...Snitchel... ok. Fine.)
Snitchel, despite his minuscule... "mighty" size faced the "amazing" ferocious "dragons" head on. Drawing a stick... (Snitchel, that twig is not a sword no matter how you look at it. (sigh)) Snitchel drew his enormous "sword", and yelled... "shouted"... ((sigh) Snitchel, what word do you want me to use?) "bellowed". (so... in summary....)
The "mighty", "fearless" Snitchel, having felled a "tall strong oak", "amazinged"--no, that is not a word--the ferocious "dragon" blocked Snitchel's path roaring loudly. Snitchel drew his "enormous" "sword" "bellowing".
This is where I will pause because Snitchel has decided the fight with the "dragon" is "epic"....
Night had stealthily crept up on...(do what Snitchel? oh...) Night was afraid to sneak up on the odious (no it is not really... bad Snitchel. Think awe-inspiring!) Snitchel. By now, he had finished crossing the fallen log sp... ((sigh) Snitchel. I am glad you no longer pinch me, but jarring my elbow isn't helpful either) A tall strong oak had been felled by the magnificent Snitchel, much to the chagrin of the "dragons". I just know the queen fairy of truth is going to rip out my tongue for this horrendous tale....
The three, six, eight... (Snitchel, this number cannot keep growing. Dragons do not reproduce that quickly... nine is a good amount) The nine fearsome dragons--that oddly resembled crocodiles--all grew very annoyed... yes, Snitchel that is a negative word, but it's okay... (sigh) fine. The nine fearsome dragons all grew amazing.... (Snitchel, that doesn't make sense... ok! ok! It's lovely, grand beautiful wording!)
As the "dragons" grew "amazing", Snitchel began traversing his newly made "bridge" when one of the ferocious... (Snitchel, that's a word that will only enthrall readers... okay? good) "dragons" leaped out of the moat blocking the determined Snitchel's path. Scared... (Snitchel, you cannot tell me that these beasts didn't frighten you...Snitchel... ok. Fine.)
Snitchel, despite his minuscule... "mighty" size faced the "amazing" ferocious "dragons" head on. Drawing a stick... (Snitchel, that twig is not a sword no matter how you look at it. (sigh)) Snitchel drew his enormous "sword", and yelled... "shouted"... ((sigh) Snitchel, what word do you want me to use?) "bellowed". (so... in summary....)
The "mighty", "fearless" Snitchel, having felled a "tall strong oak", "amazinged"--no, that is not a word--the ferocious "dragon" blocked Snitchel's path roaring loudly. Snitchel drew his "enormous" "sword" "bellowing".
This is where I will pause because Snitchel has decided the fight with the "dragon" is "epic"....
Friday, January 9, 2009
Snitchel's Tale: The Beginning
I wouldn't tell this story unless I felt "pressured" to do so. Even now Snitchel, a small annoying... I mean "amazing" sprite, is pinching my arm. Lucky for me, he is an illiterate dolt..."darling"... that believes me to be honest in my telling of this story. (Unfortunately I am cursed to say any negative terms aloud, thus the uh... "replacement" words)
A-a-a-ahem! (Snitchel is quite adamant that I have a clear throat when writing.)
Once, there stood a small crumbling tower that daily lost one of its bricks. Surrounding this tower, stood a hedge that had wildly--ouch! (Yes, Snitchel, that word can be used negatively; no! I did not mean it... sigh, okay Snitchel.) The hedge that had "wonderfully" grown.
The outer edge of the hedge was bordered by a 6 ft. --okay, sorry Snitchel--9 ft. moat. (I am writing aloud so he doesn't become confused) within the moat were humongous crocodiles... I mean "DRAGONS". (Snitchel... dragons don't live in moats. Ok! Ok! Quit pinching! They were "water dragons") No intelligent being attempted to reach the tower.
That is, no one tried to reach it until Mocho. (Snitchel, you told me to be honest. Mocho was the first dwarf... oh, you aren't concerned about dwarves... sigh. Ok.) The first Sprite to ever attempt this arduous... (yes, Snitchel, that is a suitable word.) As I was saying, the first Sprite to EVER attempt this arduous task was the gullible, Ouch! I mean... "great" Snitchel.
Snitchel had learned of an ancient wondrous spell that could be performed only by obtaining one of these fallen bricks. A being could become the most revered, noble living creature if he but... sigh. If he OR she (No Snitchel, I didn't mean to yell. Yes, Snitchel, I will be more composed) would but wish for something honorable and throw this brick into a magical waterfall.
Hang on... Snitchel just left for a "coffee break"... doubt he even knows what coffee is....
The quotation marks are to show you that what you are reading is incorrect or lying or wrong or evil or any other negative word. Snitchel is convinced that any negative word is incorrect in the telling of the story. The quotation marks are to explain that I had to switch the word. Parenthesis show what is happening. I can scribble fast enough that Snitchel doesn't notice them. He can't read... or write for that matter....
I am a poor human girl whom Snitchel, after failing to gain a brick, has kidnapped and is forcing me to lie in a book of history. He is hoping others will believe him and will actually revere and honor him. Whatever else I write... Snitchel NEVER obtained a brick... I should know... I ... uh oh. Here he comes!
(Yes, Snitchel, I am ready to continue. I added a little to uh... spice it up....) Snitchel wishes me to continue this "truthful" account at a later time.... So, I shall being the next chapter with the crossing of the moat.
A-a-a-ahem! (Snitchel is quite adamant that I have a clear throat when writing.)
Once, there stood a small crumbling tower that daily lost one of its bricks. Surrounding this tower, stood a hedge that had wildly--ouch! (Yes, Snitchel, that word can be used negatively; no! I did not mean it... sigh, okay Snitchel.) The hedge that had "wonderfully" grown.
The outer edge of the hedge was bordered by a 6 ft. --okay, sorry Snitchel--9 ft. moat. (I am writing aloud so he doesn't become confused) within the moat were humongous crocodiles... I mean "DRAGONS". (Snitchel... dragons don't live in moats. Ok! Ok! Quit pinching! They were "water dragons") No intelligent being attempted to reach the tower.
That is, no one tried to reach it until Mocho. (Snitchel, you told me to be honest. Mocho was the first dwarf... oh, you aren't concerned about dwarves... sigh. Ok.) The first Sprite to ever attempt this arduous... (yes, Snitchel, that is a suitable word.) As I was saying, the first Sprite to EVER attempt this arduous task was the gullible, Ouch! I mean... "great" Snitchel.
Snitchel had learned of an ancient wondrous spell that could be performed only by obtaining one of these fallen bricks. A being could become the most revered, noble living creature if he but... sigh. If he OR she (No Snitchel, I didn't mean to yell. Yes, Snitchel, I will be more composed) would but wish for something honorable and throw this brick into a magical waterfall.
Hang on... Snitchel just left for a "coffee break"... doubt he even knows what coffee is....
The quotation marks are to show you that what you are reading is incorrect or lying or wrong or evil or any other negative word. Snitchel is convinced that any negative word is incorrect in the telling of the story. The quotation marks are to explain that I had to switch the word. Parenthesis show what is happening. I can scribble fast enough that Snitchel doesn't notice them. He can't read... or write for that matter....
I am a poor human girl whom Snitchel, after failing to gain a brick, has kidnapped and is forcing me to lie in a book of history. He is hoping others will believe him and will actually revere and honor him. Whatever else I write... Snitchel NEVER obtained a brick... I should know... I ... uh oh. Here he comes!
(Yes, Snitchel, I am ready to continue. I added a little to uh... spice it up....) Snitchel wishes me to continue this "truthful" account at a later time.... So, I shall being the next chapter with the crossing of the moat.
Disjointed Disclaimer
I have decided that since I enjoy writing fictional stories the most, I shall have an entire blog dedicated to my nondescript stories. (Those being the ones that make about as much sense as bubble gum toothpaste)
I am hoping to be much more faithful to this blog than I have been to my other blogs. I am not good at being faithful to writing though, and so I am providing a disclaimer mid-blog to let you all know that I am going to write as often as possible, but that it might not be very regular....
Yeah... so...
Hope you enjoy reading the few things I have written out to put on here so far.
I am hoping to be much more faithful to this blog than I have been to my other blogs. I am not good at being faithful to writing though, and so I am providing a disclaimer mid-blog to let you all know that I am going to write as often as possible, but that it might not be very regular....
Yeah... so...
Hope you enjoy reading the few things I have written out to put on here so far.
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