Snitchel's Tale: The Beginning

I wouldn't tell this story unless I felt "pressured" to do so. Even now Snitchel, a small annoying... I mean "amazing" sprite, is pinching my arm. Lucky for me, he is an illiterate dolt..."darling"... that believes me to be honest in my telling of this story. (Unfortunately I am cursed to say any negative terms aloud, thus the uh... "replacement" words)

A-a-a-ahem! (Snitchel is quite adamant that I have a clear throat when writing.)



Once, there stood a small crumbling tower that daily lost one of its bricks. Surrounding this tower, stood a hedge that had wildly--ouch! (Yes, Snitchel, that word can be used negatively; no! I did not mean it... sigh, okay Snitchel.) The hedge that had "wonderfully" grown.

The outer edge of the hedge was bordered by a 6 ft. --okay, sorry Snitchel--9 ft. moat. (I am writing aloud so he doesn't become confused) within the moat were humongous crocodiles... I mean "DRAGONS". (Snitchel... dragons don't live in moats. Ok! Ok! Quit pinching! They were "water dragons") No intelligent being attempted to reach the tower.

That is, no one tried to reach it until Mocho. (Snitchel, you told me to be honest. Mocho was the first dwarf... oh, you aren't concerned about dwarves... sigh. Ok.) The first Sprite to ever attempt this arduous... (yes, Snitchel, that is a suitable word.) As I was saying, the first Sprite to EVER attempt this arduous task was the gullible, Ouch! I mean... "great" Snitchel.

Snitchel had learned of an ancient wondrous spell that could be performed only by obtaining one of these fallen bricks. A being could become the most revered, noble living creature if he but... sigh. If he OR she (No Snitchel, I didn't mean to yell. Yes, Snitchel, I will be more composed) would but wish for something honorable and throw this brick into a magical waterfall.

Hang on... Snitchel just left for a "coffee break"... doubt he even knows what coffee is....
The quotation marks are to show you that what you are reading is incorrect or lying or wrong or evil or any other negative word. Snitchel is convinced that any negative word is incorrect in the telling of the story. The quotation marks are to explain that I had to switch the word. Parenthesis show what is happening. I can scribble fast enough that Snitchel doesn't notice them. He can't read... or write for that matter....

I am a poor human girl whom Snitchel, after failing to gain a brick, has kidnapped and is forcing me to lie in a book of history. He is hoping others will believe him and will actually revere and honor him. Whatever else I write... Snitchel NEVER obtained a brick... I should know... I ... uh oh. Here he comes!

(Yes, Snitchel, I am ready to continue. I added a little to uh... spice it up....) Snitchel wishes me to continue this "truthful" account at a later time.... So, I shall being the next chapter with the crossing of the moat.